Saturday, February 12, 2011

Love and Radiance

It’s that time of year when we think about hearts, as though we spent the other 350 or so days not thinking about the heart and matters thereof.

“Heart” can mean a lot of things but for the moment let’s restrict the discussion to love, and by extension, happiness. Love itself does not guarantee happiness, and perhaps one can be happy in the absence of love but right now I am thinking about the difference between grudging acceptance and radiance. As I woke this morning I found myself thinking about radiance. Let me explain….

A couple of years ago I was at a Halloween party. There was a woman there who was not only beautiful but also radiant. I knew her, tangentially; for she was a client of my former employer and we had spoken on the phone on several occasions over the years, but never met in person.

So I never knew what she looked like as a man.

I never knew if she/he was radiant as a man, but I suspect not. She is in a long-term Triad relationship, all three professionals and having the operation was something all three agreed upon, and supported her before she went to somewhere in SE Asia for the surgery. That sort of surgery is not something one would undergo lightly so I conclude the love was there and the surgery allowed the radiance.

* * *

I was on a bus in North Wales, in the UK, and a few sears ahead and across the aisle was a young woman who was positively radiant. She also had a jagged scar down her cheek from her right eye to near her chin. I cannot imagine the cause being anything other than a knife.

I thought of the trauma potential of such a wound and of course I could not know if there were other wounds, but her animated radiance as she conversed with her companion told me she was no longer touched by that trauma. Or she was blind.

So here was a case of radiance without the certainty of love.

In SL, we often feel love, with or without radiance, with or without happiness, with or without love in return. And in the absence of a webcam, we are totally blind.

So the conclusion is that a large part of love and the attendant radiance lies within the individual and the belief, the conviction that our love is reciprocated. We are uplifted by this belief and this is the source of the radiance, knowing that the one we love loves us. Or knowing as the transgendered woman clearly did, that she was “right,” as good as she could be, as herself as well as a better member of the family relationship.

Receiving a valentine may make your day if it is from the right person, because it affirms you are love-able by someone you care about. Not receiving one may ruin your day, for therein lies a lack of that affirmation. If we can cultivate the radiance internally, not dependant on the actions or affection of another, however lasting or transitory, would we not be ahead of the game?

I am hopeful we do need a sex change or a scar to achieve it.

No comments:

Post a Comment